Ladies...Build Up That Confidence & Self-Esteem

Do women who are confident and have high self-esteem stand out in a crowd? Does confidence ooze out of every pore of their body?  The answer is YES.   However, high self-esteem doesn't guarantee the perfect relationship, the perfect job, or promise us we will get everything we feel we deserve.

The confident, brilliant, sexy women that we are knows we are worthy of that trusting and lovable relationship.They don't attach their worth to what a man thinks, and don't feel stressed or anxious when a relationship seems unclear.  Instead, confident women are present in the relationship and enjoy it without fears and nagging doubts.  If a relationship falls apart, don't take it personally.  You are not a flawed person - sometimes things just don't work out.  Realize it wasn't the right relationship for you and move on with your confidence and self-esteem firmly intact. Set personal, healthy boundaries. Prioritize your needs and emotions.  A confident woman with healthy boundaries will not sacrifice or sell themselves short for a misguided relationship.  So bring your fully formed self into any relationship.

Another confident trait in women is believing in yourself to make the right choices.  Wow, this covers so many areas of our lives.  Don't constantly feel conflicted in your choices.  Act on how you feel and what makes you comfortable so you can be your true, authentic self.  If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't right for you.  Gut instinct goes a long way, so trust it.  If a relationship is making you unhappy or you are constantly daydreaming about a more fulfilling job, take responsibility, bring that confidence and self-esteem forward and get what you desire.

Ladies, confidence and self-esteem is the most noticeable attribute we have.  It can often be seen in our face and demeanor, even when we may think its not.  Confidence and self-esteem paves the way for so much of what we accomplish in our lives.  Keep building it every day as we can never have enough.  Be proud to possess it and smile within yourself knowing you have it.

I'd Like to Kick Photo Shop in the Ass

Ladies... there are many of us who have used photo shop apps or had our photos altered to present a more desirable image of ourselves.  If we had the ability, what would we photo shop ourselves into?  Would we give ourselves long, lustrous hair? Or flawless skin?  Would we have the perfect hourglass shape?  Big beautiful eyes with long, thick lashes?  Or the proverbial well-rounded butt?  In such a visual society, it can be tough just to be comfortable in our own skin.  Society can be backwards and reward outer beauty over inner beauty.  Perhaps we've seen those before and after photos in magazines of celebrities and think "wow, do they really look like that without the photo shop?" It almost doesn't seem real.

But let's take a look at some of these different things we physically strive for.  The famous Sophia Loren once said, "beauty is how you feel on the inside and it reflects in the eyes."  Think about it - if you are happy on the inside, your demeanor is peppy and you smile more often.  A happy smile definitely lights up the eyes and the whole face.  The eyes are truly the window to the soul and happiness will show to others, even if you think they don't notice.  No amount of eye shadow, eye liner, or long lashes will replace the inner beauty you already possess. By no means I am against using those things, but without inner happiness and acceptance, no amount of product will give you what you internally need.

And, of course, we would all love to have the perfect shape.  Heck, I would love it myself. But, guess what?  I don't have to have that perfect shape, and I feel wonderful and secure within myself.  As women, we are constantly bombarded with skinny models on the runway or the media's sense of beauty and size.  Ladies, we can't all be a size 2 with "perfect" bodies and skin.  What makes us beautiful is how we perceive ourselves first and foremost.  Love yourself!! There is nothing more beautiful than that, and it will reach far more people than you realize. Smile, walk with grace, laugh, and take control of that confidence that is inside of you.

Tap into that inner beauty and embrace it, find your happy spot, and all that beauty will come shining through, both on the inside and the outside.  There certainly is no photo shop app for inner beauty.  It is a natural quality in all of us ladies.  So, with my happy foot raised in the air, I am kicking photo shop to the curb!

No More Clearance Rack!

Yes, ladies, we have to value our self-worth. If we don't value our self-worth, how do we expect others to?  Its like putting yourself on the clearance rack and expect someone to give you 100% respect.  But in reality, you will only get 60% because you discounted yourself.  Valuing yourself applies to many different facets of our lives - relationships, career, goals. If we admit it, there has been at least one aspect mentioned that has deflated us and left us questioning our choices.  I'll be the first to admit, at one time or another, each one has been a disappointment to me.  

Sure, relationships, careers, and goals change over time as we grow and learn throughout life.  It's perfectly natural to adjust as we change.  A very good friend of mine, many years ago, was always attracted to the bad boy - you know, the guy with great abs and muscles, a few tattoos, and a carefree, wild spirit.  She was constantly changing relationships every few months or so because looks only took those men so far.  She is still looking for that perfect relationship, but she has matured, valuing herself and what she needs, and has become more aware of her own self-worth.  She has jumped off the clearance rack and put herself on the designer rack with a higher price tag.

And what about careers?  We can spend countless and endless years (or so it seems that way) in a dead end job that is unfulfilling and leaves us feeling bored and even depressed.  I know I had spent too much time in a boring job.  But we need a job to have money to pay bills and maintain ourselves.  Perhaps the career we love requires going to school for a few years and yes, going to school can seem daunting and seem like it would take forever.  I can speak for that - I still have two years to get my Bachelor degree. But I can see light at the end of the tunnel and I will keep going to get that degree.  Perhaps you have a terrific idea and want to become an entrepreneur.   Don't be afraid - go for it!  Starting your own business would surely take discipline and many long hours, but just think of the reward at the end.  Jump off the clearance rack!

Whatever your goals, value yourself and what you want.  Anyone who shares any part of your life will value what you need also.  Never let anyone try to sell you at a discount when your value is sky high.

Fun With Heels and Make-Up

Let's have some fun with heels and make-up!  Why do we wear them (or at least a vast majority of us)? Some women believe heels are attractive because they make our calves look shapely.  This may not be entirely false, but that is not the only reason.  Perhaps we want to look taller.  If our goal is to impress the opposite sex, then our heels could possibly cause us to fall a little "short".  Studies have shown that some men (but not all) believe heels make a woman look powerful or imposing.  Therefore, not all men are attracted to the power of the heel.  However, on the other side, heels point our toes down in a graceful manner, cause the butt to stick out more and emphasize our curves.  We women know that heels are physically appealing to look at.  We go to great lengths to wear heels for hours at a time despite the discomfort and aching feet we will have later on. Perhaps the most important effect heels have is for us and us alone - confidence and more confidence and even more confidence.  Show off them heels ladies!!

I, for one, love make-up!  Nothing like getting that flawless and perfect look.  After all, the first thing people notice everyday is your face.  When someone says "good morning" to you, they are not looking at the color of your socks.  Some of us can spend great lengths of time in front of the mirror applying our daily make-up routine - others no time at all.  Perhaps one of the biggest reason to wear make-up is to maintain youthfulness.  We all would love to remain youthful and radiant forever - however, time will always keep tabs on us.  I am reminded of an article I read some time ago about red lipstick.  A study was done and women who wore red lipstick were approached by men three times more than women who wore other colors of lipstick. Go figure... However, the most noticeable feature of women is the eyes.  Eye make-up is said to be the number one item to enhance a woman's facial attractiveness.  Obviously, make-up has many benefits for each of us.  Make-up is just another part of being a woman and it is up to each of us how to use it.  So ladies... show off that beauty!

Ladies...Use Those Intuitive Powers

This label of "women's intuition" has been scorned, scoffed at, blamed, credited, admired, dissected, believed, not believed and mostly credited to women. However, I believe this "unknown something" is secretly envied by most everyone. We describe this as an "it", as a source unknown and hard to believe, yet seems to be accepted as matter-of-fact, non-debatable even highly regarded and not to be questioned. To describe what "it" is, is hard to define.  Women seem to have a sixth sense about when something feels good and right - or doesn't.  Below is a quote by the famous Joyce Brothers about intuition;

Trust your hunches. They're usually based on facts
filed away just below the conscious level.
- Joyce Brothers

Sometimes the best approach in life to making decisions is to just let go and let your intuition guide you.  Trying to control circumstances can become frustrating or make us more confused.  After all, if you don't know the answer at that time, you just don't know the answer.  Forcing it will not give the right answer either.  Trust your "gut" feeling and let it guide you.  Intuition allows us to see beyond what is showing on the surface.  Once, I'd say around the mid 90's, my then husband wanted to drive to another town to see some friends of ours.  I remember it was on the Fourth of July.  He was bugging me to go for two hours or so, but I just couldn't bring myself to go.  For one, I knew he would be drinking with theses friends.  Now I've driven with him before when he was drinking (should of known better) and nothing happened while he was driving.  But my intuition was desperately nagging at me "do not go".  He finally gave up asking me, hopped on his motorcycle, and went by himself.  Needless to say, four or five hours later, he comes walking in the house banged up - rocks in  his knees, bleeding at the elbows and knees, and other minor scratches.  He lost control of his motorcycle going around a curve.  Needless to say, my intuition was right.  

But how does intuition know when to make itself known in situations? The power of intuition shows us deeper core levels of an individual or situation.  Research on nonverbal skills has clearly shown that women are better at reading emotions and facial expressions, as well as reading situations.  So ladies, trust your instincts.  That intangible sense is there for a reason.

Ladies..Generate those Positive Thoughts

Ladies...it's hard to stay positive everyday - dealing with the daily hustle and bustle of life.  It would seem natural that our bad-tempered or sulky self would take the forefront of our day.  But does it have to?  No, it doesn't.  We need to encourage ourselves to look on the brighter side of every situation.  For every situation is a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.  Maintaining a positive balance in our lives helps us mentally, physically, spiritually, and professionally.  Below is a tidbit of someone I knew long ago and how she handled being a positive woman.

Jessie is the kind of women some ladies love to hate. She is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask her how she was doing, she would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" She was a unique restaurant manager because she had several staff who had followed her around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the staff followed Jessie was because of her attitude. She was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jessie was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jessie and asked her, I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" Jessie replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jessie, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life. "Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested. "Yes, it is," Jessie said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life." I reflected on what Jessie said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about her when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Ladies...Let's Talk About Fear

When we think of fear, what do we imagine?  Fear of flying?  Or fear of dying?  Or the fear of not being a good mother to our children?  Fear comes in many shapes, forms, and sizes. The kind of fear I am referring to is the fear of ourselves.  What keeps us from taking that first step to do something greater?

For almost ten years, I had contemplated time and time again about becoming an English and writing teacher - ten years!  Now let me tell you, I am in my late forties now and just completed my AA degree.  This Fall I will start the Bachelor program for my teaching degree which will take another two years plus an internship for four months at a middle or high school. I admit, it was a little strange sitting in a classroom with most students half my age, but I am there for the exact same purpose as they are.  I've thought to myself many times "if you just would of done it ten years ago".  So by the time I finish I will be about 51 years of age.  But guess what?  It is also totally worth it.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and am extremely enthusiastic about what I am about to achieve.  The feeling of accomplishment is tremendous!

But what about you?  If you desire, down deep in your soul, whether it be a career change or travel plans, or anything you've been longing for, just do it!  There is no time like the present.  Many times it is commonplace to put off our desires or settle for something less because it is easier to do so.  After all, we are always busy with the everyday hustle and bustle of our lives, right?  There is a reason your desires are constantly in the back of your mind - you are meant to do it.  They will keep wrestling inside your mind, longing to be set free and put into action. Conquer those fears and put these steps into action:

1. Start small. Focus on the immediate goal and not the end result.
2. Have faith.  Put faith in yourself and trust the achievement is possible.
3. Let go.  At times, we hold on to something because we feel it empowers us; however, holding on only weakens us.

Ladies, grab those goals and achieve them!!  Kick those fears to the curb and show them who the real woman in charge is!